I’m so worried for so many reasons but who am I to worry for myself or my current and future health when I experience such privilege? Of having a home not destroyed by our Nature Mother, of having healthcare, of having support, of having food and of having an option to even post this nonsense?

What is this balance I should have? Where is the bright side that everyone keeps telling me to look towards???

I was unable to lean into the fear, numb to the realities of what I was facing, grappling with the idea of what my body would lose in my upcoming surgery. The only thing I had control of was my emotions and staying in my body so that is what I did. No one to relate to, no one who had the right words to say. There weren’t words because everything was wrong.

I can’t even begin to explain the isolation of the last two months and what my body has forced from me. I have such an incredible support system, most days I don’t want to talk but on the rare ones that I can get up and get pretty and have a friendly conversation, I know who is awaiting my return from under my blanket cave.