The Weight of It All

Nearly a year ago and the uphill climb takes its toll in different ways each day. The surgery being a partial success feels more like a total failure but I know that’s not true. I’m just tired and my brain is broken and this world is heavy and people piss me off and I want to just go back to simpler times but when was that exactly?

Lately I feel an extreme fatigue of overwhelming emotion. Things I can’t change, everyone hurting, the cruel ones judging; the self-absorption and lack of empathy are eating me alive every time I see its ugly face on the people who know better. Entitlement becoming a profession everywhere I look.

I sit here afraid to breathe and to live but how could I be upset about my own struggles when so many would trade places with me - even in this state of distress. My fortunate state of distress.

It’s hard. This is all hard. Everyone in a state of unrest and some level of pain, existing each day waiting for the next “bad news”.

I’m so worried for so many reasons but who am I to worry for myself or my current and future health when I experience such privilege? Of having a home not destroyed by our Nature Mother, of having healthcare, of having support, of having food and of having an option to even post this nonsense?

What is this balance I should have? Where is the bright side that everyone keeps telling me to look towards???